Y’all. I’m exhausted.
I have wanted to write so much in the past few weeks, but I seem to never have the time anymore to do the one thing that I absolutely love to do. I’m always at work, and that keeps me so busy that I barely have a free moment to myself. My hours are crazy and I’m basically working 7 days a week until who knows when. I look at my goals list written in my journal that I had for 2020 and all I can do is glance at a calendar and just wonder if and when I’ll actually get to do anything I planned to do when I wrote the list out 151 days ago.
So far I’ve managed to scrap 2 things off this list – go to a live event and take a trip. At the beginning of the year, my sister and I had gotten tickets to WWE Smackdown! on January 17th. It was my first live WWE event and even though I know it’s scripted and fake, it was the most entertaining thing I’ve been to in a while. We were in the nosebleed section, but just being in the atmosphere of other excited fans was just something else.
In March, right before the world went all to hell and we were forced under “lockdown,” my boyfriend and I traveled 3 hours away to Pigeon Forge, TN. Apparently there’s a perk to living near the boarder of so many states. It was the first time I’d ever been down there and I did not want to leave. I’ve planned out I don’t know how many return trips for the future. I fell in love with a new wine (hello Indian Summer from Mill Bridge Winery), made some wonderful new memories with someone I hope is in my life for a long time, and found out that vacationing in the mountains in spite of living in them can be a whole lot more fun that I thought it would be.
And then everything shut down because COVID-19 and I’m about to die of exhaustion. All I have done is work, sleep, repeat. I barely have time to do simple chores or laundry. Even though I work partial days, I am still going into my work 7 days a week, and it’s mentally draining. By the time I come home, I’ve been cussed at, yelled at, had my head demanded on a silver platter so many times that all I want to do is take my nightly dose of anxiety meds and go to bed, or just sit for hours mindlessly playing on my phone. Because by then, I have already maxed out the amount of fucks I wish to give.
Yet, despite my mental and physical state of things, I can identify that I need to get out of that mindset, right now. SO, here I am, typing out my feelings and giving myself a swift kick in the pants that starting tomorrow, I am not going to wallow in my self-pity and laziness any longer. I will be grateful that despite the circumstances I am still working and are able to pay my bills and what have you. I will actually act upon some of my goals and find a way to make them work, rather than use the excuses of I am home and live in the middle of nowhere to justify why they are not getting them done.
And I will make it my GOAL to document my journey into the remaining 7 months of 2020, whether it’s good, it’s bad, or just downright ugly (which is pretty much how we could describe how this week has gone in America, tbh).
Any tips and motivation to keep in this mindset will be welcome and will be appreciative, because I’m a fish out of water at this point.